Expectations

I love it when a quote or scripture that I’ve heard all my life is suddenly opened up to me through life’s experiences and tests.

 

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, 
the courage to change the things I can, 
and the wisdom to know the difference.”  
-Reinhold Niebuhr

The first time I remember seeing this quote was in the bathroom at church in Four Corners, OK. The saying always stuck in my head, but it wasn't until recently that I could see why I needed to apply it to my life. 

Tyrel and I are quickly approaching our 1st Anniversary and I have to say, what a wonderfully overwhelming learning experience about yourself and others! And on some days I might say that’s a generous description of the journey ;) but I’m slowly learning what keys to pull out in different situations to enjoy the ride through life. Those keys all link back to committing each situation and test to the Lord, but there have been times for me (being a woman of complex emotions) that I needed a specific plan of action on just how to commit -- plus the hope to believe it would satisfy and fulfill.

The Lord has given me two specific challenges that have helped me.

(1) To become a Millennial Pioneer Woman

(2) Don't focus on emotional expectations to be met

The first challenge came about two months ago. I wrote these notes down as I was sitting by a waterfall in a mountain pasture as Tyrel and his dad were unloading equipment for a fence job.

I’m okay with being a millennial pioneer woman.

I’m finally coming to grips with something my mom told me before I got married. She said my husband would not fulfill the boredom, restlessness, or the loneliness I was particularly feeling at the time. Truth is, I had no reason to be lonely. I still had the same great friends surrounding me. Yes, I was busy preparing for the wedding and had less time to go be with people maybe. But the point is, my mother was right. It was my attitude and outlook that needed to be adjusted.

I may have been struggling with loneliness 8 months ago, but the last 8 months has been the same story with learning to be happy where I’m at. I knew before I got married that I loved to travel, but more importantly spend time hiking, camping, and exploring God’s beautiful creation. Okay, I liked Hawaii pretty well too. ;P I knew that Tyrel was an extremely busy, hardworking man... but I love that about him and so I never thought twice about giving up that so called “vacation time” — until the reality hit that my previous life of being able to independatly plan a vacation really had changed. There’s a lot that I still need to learn about putting things into perspective though. Because Tyrel just took a day trip to Washington D.C. with me, Summer and Mom, and we went to visit friends in Charleston over the weekend with Summer. We got to visit my friends at Kevin and Heather's house in Ohio over a weekend. We were able to join my in laws and sister for a trip to Virginia in January and go stay with my parents at the end of January after a wedding. 

So yes we’ve been able to go on some wonderful little get-aways. But I’m afraid that what I want is just the typical Millennial desire to be a special/extraordinary/privileged person who looks a certain way on social media. You know, like those tropical week-long vacations somewhere tropical by ourself. Hmmm 😏 That's the normal ideal it seems.

I read an article about this recently in the Daughters of Promise magazine. The author wrote of her own struggle of feeling like she was doing things just to put off a certain air about herself.  I've made effort many times to not succumb to it, but I found yet another area, my marriage, where this comparison and entitlement has effected me.

Last week, as we were working on this same fence job...

 I was driving the tractor back across the side of the mountain. I enjoyed the scenery of the secluded field... I imagined myself as Heidi in a cotton summer dress doing chores on a beautiful mountainside similar to where I was. I was happy being there working with the simple blessings a pioneer woman would experience! But we live in a world of millennials (me included) who feel the urge to share those simple blessings that God DID mean for us to enjoy. Sometimes I feel like I can't enjoy something unless I get other's approval of how enjoyable they think it would be for them too. But often times, the broadcasting of those highlights breeds the opportunity for discontentment, comparison, jealousy, competition, etc. for yourself and others.

The next few days delayed the fence job because of the tabernacle building project at the church. I began getting restless and complaining again. But the Lord dropped the phrase “quiet spirit” to my mind, so I looked up the passage.

1Pe 3:1  Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

1Pe 3:2  While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

1Pe 3:3  Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;

1Pe 3:4  But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

1Pe 3:5  For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:

The Lord also gave me a song while I was sitting there and I took some notes on it as thoughts just rolled out.

I felt a peace come over me immediately as I realized the blessing of being a “pioneer woman” AND the blessing it will bring myself and my husband if I can maintain a meek and quiet spirit by being content with where I am and the lifestyle my husband has (most generously!) provided. :) This all equals less frustration in my emotions and leaving my husband feeling more respected knowing that he IS all I need!

 Whether the problem is being anxious about not getting a break to have time along with my husband, or wondering when my husband “will show me love the way I WANT IT” (I know that sounds selfish and awful, but my natural tendency is to get hung up on that!! ) But that song and those scriptures just gave me a reminder to focus my hope in the right direction and not get distracted by selfish things!

Side note: Since the time I wrote this, I have strived to make a point to mentally notice the ways my husband does show me love (and he does of course frequently!!) And I have not felt deprived at all! It was my perspective that needed adjusted, not the ways he treated me! :) I'm just sharing my honest initial feelings so it may be a help to someone else who might be able to relate. ;)

No, a pioneer woman did not get picture-perfect vacations -- they enjoyed the beauty of what God gave them as He blessed them with it! They didn't have time for much leisure, but were they underprivileged? I don't think so. Just as I, living somewhat Pioneer-ish,😉 am not either more privileged or deprived for the way our lifestyle leads us.

So how do I pull off real joyful living like a pioneer in a world of millennial comparison and discontentment? I don’t have a complete answer yet. However, when I become restless and upset, my goal is to challenge myself with pondering the application my new name: “A Millennial Pioneer Woman”!

The second challenge came this last week through a tear-filled out-pouring of my heart to a young mother and wife to a farmer/entrepreneur. 

For a while I had this feeling that I should call her up — knowing she would likely understand and hopefully have some wisdom to share with me on being victorious over your emotions while living this glorious, yet hectic “pioneer life”. (I have no other description for it — the only way to understand it is to live it, so I won’t bore you.) I can not put a value on the connection my heart made to the words she said over the phone while describing challenges she’s likewise faced! Hint: don’t wait as long as I did to reach out to someone who’s “been there.”

After our conversation ended, I jotted down words on a sticky note that I placed on my bathroom mirror as a reminder. “Don’t focus on expectations. Enjoy CHERISH every moment.”

It hit home so hard as my mind replayed many times when I had pre-set in my mind what would feel comfortable or make me feel loved in such and such situation. Then there's endless advice I kept hearing about the need to have time to communicate with your husband and the value of going on dates that I *felt* like I never received. Remember these are feelings! I’m not putting my husband down. He’s a busy man providing for our household, and I value that! 
She discussed with me the value of stopping all you’re doing at the moment or day to spending that time with your husband whatever he may be doing. —and how that can be as blessed as a “date” this world advises us to take so frequently.

After the conversation I felt a weight lift knowing that I could release those expectations and if we REALLY need that in our marriage, the Lord can give us/me wisdom to know how to do that (or help me to see how we DO get those opportunities😉), OR give me serenity to accept that “it’s okay” anyway. 

It has worked, too! Yes, I still initially have the same negative thoughts about expectations when I’m not sure how or when (or if it's even necessary) to communicate. But I’ve decided if it’s going to cause me a problem, forget it!! And I end up much more peaceful and ultimately receiving the same blessed feeling I thought I would receive by following my own ideas of how things should go.

Here's the rest of the pictures from the day I got to spend hanging out with Tyrel while he bulldozed land for a pasture reclamation job. 

The daddy-dog, Rusty ;) Tyrel and I both enjoy the dogs' company on jobs.

Our kind doggie, Gimpers ;)

Thank the Lord for his blessings. :)

And for the blessing of family time. :)

Uncle Jaime and Aunt Karen are visiting, so we took Saturday afternoon off at the Pioneer Day parade and truck pull. Which ended in Tyrel entering his truck in for the pull just for the experience. :D

;D

A local friend who rode with him while he pulled :)

-MarLeahJoy