26 February 2015


I haven't packed for my skiing trip yet, partially because I got my passport card and book in the mail - so that requires photos. And that means getting out my camera, throwing stuff all around my room to make it look "clean" where I'm taking pictures, and running back and forth between where I'm posing and the back of the camera to check the images. Exhausting, a little ;) But fun :)
btw - I'm really starting to appreciate my off camera flash since I get home from work when there is like no natural lighting. I used to hate the flash, but I'm kinda starting to like it :)

Right now, I'm in quite the quandary though... 
I generally discourage myself from sharing this kind of stuff on my blog, because my feelings are known to change, and then whatever I proclaimed to the world on my blog is suddenly untrue... :P

Anyway, I've felt so many pressures with social media to be some great person. An adventurer, amazing photographer, good with words, and to hang out with cool people... Then to broadcast that all over social media to make everyone else jealous of my "awesome life".
Well, I've already stated in a previous post about the chain reaction of social media sending me (and I'm sure others) into a form of depression because we aren't doing enough awesome things like everyone else is.
But now I have several trips planned out, I have the 35mm lens, I have a GoPro, I have an awesome hammock that hangs between trees, a tent, and access to a lot of cool things like jet skis, sky diving, flying. You know, things are/were starting to look up for me. I even started to plan out my social media posts for different trips and adventures that I would go on... starting with my trip this weekend to West Virginia. 
At last! I was beginning to see potential and I was starting to watch my social media facade shape out in the way I always dreamed it would go.
Except... this week I deleted my instagram app and haven't checked IG since, and I decided I don't want to post anything to facebook. I don't want to follow the pressure to try to find peace with myself by being accepted by people. 
I made this decision after a series of things happened. First of all, I began to see myself just getting way too wrapped up in it, letting it consume all my thoughts and energy. Also, I heard a message Sunday night that I can't even describe because it was that good! And it really spoke to my heart and challenged me to think about what is really important.
Some of my thoughts that I wrote in my journal during the message:
"Jesus didn't seek fame, reputation, or money. If He -- so much greater than we -- sought no recognition, why should we -- so much less than He -- desire to be lifted up in others' minds"

And I decided, if someone doesn't like me making this choice, then they are going to have to just get over it. But more than likely it's just my mind reasoning and telling me that I would be doing a dis-service to others and that people might be upset at me. (Ha! Who am I kidding ;P)
So... the quandary? Well, the issue is that when I started to create this blog post, I found myself thinking, "Ooo... that set of pictures would look great as my facebook cover photo!" "This person would see it, and that person would see it, and so and so would think this about me." 
Yep, the struggle is real.
So real that I already started to question my decision.
But, writing about it today has helped me take a firmer stance.

This doesn't mean that I will stop using my GoPro to make videos, or I won't enjoy myself on adventures (and I certainly won't stop myself from taking adventures), or I won't keep challenging myself in photography. But honestly, I'm not even going to list out on here what online presence/social media I have decided is best for me to avoid... but all I know is that I feel the decision I've made is good. It will be good for me.
And if you feel like this decision is a good step for me, too... then pray for me that I will be strong in it! :)

And, yes, I think I'll leave my passport book and card out to decorate my room, because it makes my heart do a happy little skip every time I see it :)